Sometimes I BRAKE

The way I look a the word and things is so much different than anyone I know. I guess you could say I have an LA attitude things don't bother me like they do some people I don't do the Drama Rama thing... I don't freak out over things that bother some people... I'm chill and I like it. With this PCOS thing I am living threw It's a hole different story, All I can think about is how I might never have a family... How I will never get to experience my baby's first word or learning how to walk. I'll never know what its like to feel the kind of love you can get from a child or how proud you can be when you child brings home his first A. I guess what makes me so angry is that there are some people out there that have had 5 or 6 kids and they could care less like there child is nothing more than a few extra dollars at tax time Or people that don't even want children and then there's people like me that want it more than anything in the world, people that would care for there kids and  treat them like there the best thing in the world like they wouldn't rather have anything elts on this earth. Most of the time I can be strong and I can hold my head up high and smile threw the pain but sometimes I just Brake! Sometimes I cant handle the news that one of my friends is pregnant again, or that there kids have had yet another birthday. The thing is that Every female friend I have had has a child and most of them have 3 or more And 4 days ago when I got the news my best friend for as long as I can remember is now expecting I Lost it But you know the thing is I don't want to be upset that my Best Friend can and is going to have a baby when I cant because I love her and I want to be happy for her and that baby because No matter what they are going to be in my life and that baby will look to me as its aunt. I just want to be apart of her pregnancy and the baby's life. I have pushed every friend of mine that has ever had a child damn near out of my life so maybe in my subconsciousness I am taking the news of her having a baby as loosing my best friend. I feel so guilty for being so upset and I don't know what to do... Sometimes I just Brake

thanks for taking the time to read and feel free to leave a comment, Question or concern.